Holding Back

Reading through the passages in the Bible about Joseph’s life is like reading about a family I might know or even my own family. The usual sibling rivalry – the squabbles, jealousy, favoritism – is present and it didn’t just happen during Joseph’s time, it happens even today. Joseph and his eleven brothers did not get along so well because aside from being such a large brood, most of them connived to do something evil to him. They seemed to have ganged up against him because he was their father’s favorite son. If you were the apple of your parent’s eye, you’d probably feel proud and look down upon your other siblings; or you can be the one who gets away with every mischief and wrongdoing simply because you were the favorite. But this was not the case with Joseph. He is depicted as an almost perfect son – he was obedient, hardworking, God-fearing, and respectful. He loved his family – every single one of them.

                As I read through what Joseph experienced at the hands of his brothers, I really couldn’t imagine how a brother or sister can do that to his or her sibling. To sell a brother into slavery? To be rid of your sibling and break the heart of your father by telling him his favorite son was dead? It’s just beyond “cruel”. But his brothers did it. For us who are reading his story, we might think that it’s unfair for all those to happen to Joseph because he was faithful to God. Not only did he suffer from what his brothers did, even when he was working hard and earning his wages honestly, the Pharaoh’s wife got him in trouble. He was thrown into prison yet he still made something good out of the situation by using his God-given talents to help his fellow prisoners by interpreting their dreams. Even those whom he helped forgot about him. At this point in his life, it would seem that all was lost for him. But we see that Joseph steadfastly held on to his faith in God, he never gave up, he kept hoping that one day, all will be made right. And indeed, his faith was rewarded.

In the context of dealing with our family members we have different standards than the ones we set for dealing with our friends. When we deal with our friends, it is much easier for us to reconcile with them or sometimes, we don’t even bother to reconcile and just move on. When it comes to our family, it is much harder to ignore them – they’re family. When I was younger, reconciling with my siblings after a fight was so much easier, but as I grew older, I realized that it becomes more difficult to reconcile with them because we have somehow developed a sense of dignity and regard for self that our pride gets in the way. As little girls, when my sisters and I had fights, we made up in less than 10 minutes – sisters can’t stand not talking with each other for a long time because there’s just so much important stuff to tell the others. As we grew older, it took longer and longer for us to reconcile; maybe because we had more things to attend to– school requirements, time spent with friends, parties to attend, dates with a boyfriend – so, we can put the reconciliation moment on hold for as long as we liked. At least, it was like this for my sisters and I. In Joseph’s case, he waited for years, before he got a chance at reconciling with his brothers. In all those years, if I were Joseph, I would have thought of a million different ways to get back at those who did me wrong – especially now that he was a high ranking official in Egypt. He could do as he pleased. But we read that Joseph never held a grudge against his family. In fact, he was looking forward to their reunion and favored them in what they were seeking – food and provisions as there was a famine in the land. He gave them food and returned the silver coins that were supposed to be their payment. This is a great example of showing grace – bestowing upon his brothers a gift they did not deserve. After everything that Joseph went through, I am sure that it would have been easy for him to just be bitter and use his position to take revenge, but no, he chose to show love to a family that betrayed him. It is an amazing story of grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation even in the midst of all the circumstances that brought Joseph to where he was. His unwavering faith in God, his belief that God was at work and everything will turn out for the best because all that was happening  was part of God’s plan, made it possible for him to respond the way he did. Sometimes, when others have wronged me, I tend to react and not respond. As the saying goes “hurting people hurt other people”. There are times when I don’t think through my actions and words, I just react, and make an even bigger damage in the relationship. I realized that while it is very hard to respond in the way God wants me to, it is possible through God’s help. I cannot do it on my own, my impulse will always be to take revenge, tit for tat, but I learned also that holding back honors God. I am inspired by how Joseph treated his brothers after all that they had done to him – I pray I can be like him, especially towards my siblings.

A Daughter's Tribute

Tribute to Papa

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 8:37-39

I can only speak of my father from my perspective but I hope we all share the same sentiment about him. He may have touched your life with his own through how he lived and you too may have touched his life with yours. I hear stories about how it isn't easy to raise children and it is much more challenging to raise girls. As a daughter, he was first a father to me. Ever since I can remember, he always played the role of an extra diligent father. When we were younger, he would tuck us in at night when he was home before we went to bed, if he weren't yet, I remember moments between sleep and wakefulness that he would open the door to our room and stay for a moment, making sure that his daughters were complete. His job before required him to be away most of the time but my mother and him made sure that we never felt he was not there. Whenever he was home, he'd make it a point to spend time with us-- talking with us about valuable life lessons. That was how he brought us up. Amazingly, he never needed to resort to using the rod to discipline us. Through this, my sisters and I grew up being emotionally and spiritually strong. This proved to be really helpful as we were growing up-- it provided a source of moral compass for us. He never dictated what we can and cannot do, instead, he trusted us to make decisions for ourselves and he always stood by us whether or not we made a good decision. I would often hear his friends ask him how he raised us because it is evident that he raised us well in this generation where society is more liberated and media has so much influence on the lifestyle of the impressionable youth. I believe that in his passing on to life after this, he was at peace because he has seen us grow up, have careers, and lead our lives independently. Although it is a bit sad to note that he was never able to walk his daughters down the aisle. He was also always very supportive even during times when I thought I failed to meet his expectations. I can remember a time when I wasn't able to graduate on the expected date, I cried for two weeks, thinking that he would be terribly disappointed with me. When I finally gathered the courage to tell him, he didn't even respond in disappointment. And a month later, I overheard him talking to one of my cousins, saying that he was proud of me because I was successful. My father was a man of few words, he did not generously dole out encouragement or praise but through this, I knew and felt in my heart that whenever he would praise something we did, he truly meant it.

Second, I saw him as a husband to my mother. In their 32 years of marriage I have witnessed their ups and downs from when I was a little girl until his last days. He also rarely expressed it verbally but I know, he loved my mother the best way he knew how. Sometimes, it may seem that he didn't care because he seldom expressed it in words, but his actions showed that he cared. Life wasn't always easy and we never really had much but I learned from my parents that having each other was the best blessing and that all we ever really needed were each other. 

Third, I saw him as a brother and friend to the family where God has placed him in. He had his own ideals and principles in life that he stubbornly stood up for and which sometimes made it difficult for some to get along with him but he was always just being true to himself. With papa, there were no gray areas, it was always black and white. The take it or leave it kind of approach; but I guess that's how it is when you're being honest which is what he was. Papa did not have a lot of friends but he was loyal to the friends he had-- I learned from him that it isn't the number of friends you have that matter, rather it's the quality of the friends you have that does. 

Lastly, I'd like to speak about him as a man of faith. He was the one who taught me about God and reading the Bible and he showed me what steadfast faith was like-- what you do when you truly believe in something or someone. While it is true that he became a Buddhist more than a decade ago, he was the man who taught me a lot about faith. He always taught us about how to respect other people's beliefs and not judge them for what they believe in. He constantly reminded me that I am free to choose where to put my faith in and my role in that chosen faith is to share about it to others and if ever they mocked me or did not believe me, then that's ok. Through this, despite my initial feelings of being betrayed by my father when it comes to his chosen faith, I learned to respect him even more.

My dear family, our relatives and friends who are gathered today, we never really get over our grief when faced with a loss, we only learn to manage it. And by God's grace, we will manage it well. Perhaps it will help us to think that he is in a place which is indescribably and infinitely better than we can all imagine. Thank you everyone for the support you have shown my mother, my siblings and myself at a time such as this.  To all of our relatives who came to share our grief and those who couldn't be with us but whose thoughts, love and prayers are truly felt, no words would be enough to express our family's gratitude for the support you have shown and the help you have extended. You are truly appreciated.

Good afternoon, may God bless us all.